Is My Blogger Broken?

I kinda hate writing again. I liked blogging for my previous job, but it just never felt like my voice. So, I have to ask, is MY blogger broken? Perhaps with Google trying to kill RSS--they are in fact sabotaging the little people on the Internets. The geeks, present company included, that setup their bedroom as a radio/tv station 8 yrs ago--a station/podcast that they could only dream of having in 6th grade, will be crushed by the lack of readership that comes from RSS publishing.  But I'm not one to get my panties in a bunch over the latest internet sensations.  I know that those of us with real stories & real skills will always have a place at the table.

In related news, scriptwriting is brutal. We're hard at work to finish our pilot script for a web series. However, our planned web series is about lesbians--but it's not a lesbian web series, per say. Yet some of the scenes absolutely must be graphic! Ha--it's hard to pitch the pilot without including the graphic parts in the first episode, yet it doesn't quite fit. Eh, if we have to produce it ourselves, we'll do what we want (animation if need be--and you'll all be glad for the graphic parts). It's the age old dilemma. If you let others in...they will likely take it OVER. But with the help of others, our stories can finally be shared.

Lastly, my iPhone is dead all the time now. If you know me, in real life--please don't hesitate to email me your phone/text messages. Yes, it's true that you can also continue texting--but only if you have an iPhone--cuz I'm an Apple whore like that. (I can still gettem' on my iPad.) And I'm no longer participating in the stalking pleasures of Facebook. People don't really share. They come to gawk. I'm not tryin to hide--I've always been right here. But when ignorance starts filling my day (people posting racist images, tormentors of my past showing up in "likes," then of course my judging of everyone else's lack of judgement, and all the other dumb drama) I just have to walk away. Sometimes you just need a break--to really see what it was doing to you.

And then it reminds me why I liked blogging in the first place!  I don't give a shit if someone clicks a like button, most of the time without even reading what I'm saying.  This is a place that I'm free to be me.  I can post what I want.  I don't have ads for ridiculous crap in my face. And further, the content I share can actually be reviewed, saved for scripts, or produced in one of our videos.  When I put stuff on Facebook...it might as well be added to a consumer database of what I like to do and then just immediately deleted.  Ain't nobody gonna go back and deal with FB's weird, controlling ways of showing you even your own content!

So I'm back to the bloggin board...where it's beautiful, ad-free, and just what I want it to be.

P.S. Happy Birthday M.C. I still think about you all the time. I read through some of our final stories together this weekend--you always knew how to laugh.  And you always believed in me.  I'll never forget that.

Adoption Workshop #4

So we attended the longest adoption workshop yet--in the East Bay (IAC). Surprisingly, it was the best.  The best of FOUR that we've attended over the years! We are in love with this place. It was so open and honest about everything. It is the polar opposite of isolated, infertility treatment darkness and the strange uncomfortable other info sessions we've attended both in Chicago and here in San Francisco. When the meeting started, the facilitating woman shared her own story of a very difficult closed adoption.  It was nice for me to hear.  Even though I love & live with someone everyday that is the result of a very closed adoption, it is good to hear of others experiences.  It's also nice because I am of an unusual "open" adoption where I have two families that I love very much--but making it all work, in reality, is sometimes very difficult on me.  I don't want that for our kids.  I want them to feel home.  I want them to know that they are here to stay, that they belong.  --Honestly, feelings that I did not have as a kid.  I definitely have had some processing to do and I've been working on it over the past several years as we've stepped closer and closer to the adoption process.

But after this session, I feel absolutely ready.  Now, it's just the large sum of money necessary to begin.  Ultimately, that is what it has always been...It's hard to invest in a business, and at the same time, afford adoption.  And now that I've stepped out on my own with freelancing, I feel that I really need to find steady, stable work in order to fully jump into adoption.  Freelancing is just too uncertain.  And honestly, I miss working with people--surprising, I know ;-).  But I know that will happen soon enough.  Why?  Because this place is magic.  Absolutely magic.  There are so many interesting startups, companies, and organizations here.

Back to the waiting room: Then...then the nice lady put up a ppt screen and said that we would all get in small groups and openly discuss our experiences with infertility, and what has led us to adoption.  My heart jumped in my chest.  My palms started sweating and a rare feeling washed over me: FLIGHT.  I focused my gaze on the door and started fantasizing scenarios to make a break for it...Openly discuss this!? With strangers!! my inner voice was screaming!  I looked into Mariela's eyes and I knew I just had to do this and that she was with me.  We turned and just jumped right in.  The most amazing thing happened.  It actually felt good.  I felt like I could breathe.  The people were so open and warm, nonjudgemental, inquisitive, and openly shared their own stories.  For the first time at one of these awkward things--I actually felt connected to the people.  Imagine that.  It was a place that I would actually look forward to attending their day long workshops, etc. etc.

I can't wait to get started.  So it's back to job applications for me. Wheeeeeee!

This City is Ab Fab

A few weeks ago, we were exploring in the city--stumbling over all the amazing newness of San Francisco.  We had a little time to kill waiting for a friend when we found Crepes on Cole...an adorable little crepe place that was open late with a nice, casual, neighborhood feel.  As we sat down we overheard a small group of women chatting away about Ab Fab.  One of the women was explaining all that is...PATSY.  She was doing a terrific job summing up her newfound excitement about this series we've obsessed over since the late 90's.  It was so refreshing to hear.  People talking about actually interesting things?  Hell, people talking at all is a huge advance from Chicago.  Everyone was so concerned with remaining invisible there--walking the streets with this vibe of please don't look at me, or even notice me.  I know, I know...we are a little over the top, so the difference was just so glaring. It just feels so right here.  I can't explain it in words... the friendly people waiting in line at the Treasure Island Flea...talking to you because why not

the courtesy driving--stopping to actually let you in

the way strangers instincts are to just smile at you

the way people dress and act exactly like they want, not looking for your approval...

It's extremely exciting to MOVE to a place you've never been!  It's a constant surprise.  I was so over living in the city (Chicago, that is).  I just didn't want the dirty filth of negativity covering me anymore. The sidewalks like treadmills of people looking straight down, ready to run right into you, and often times stepping right into your shoes!  I didn't expect to love San Francisco, not like this.  I mean, I knew we would find amazing adventure in it.  But this is pure love.  I didn't expect a city park that could dwarf a small town--the wilderness and life so blooming everywhere.  I honestly don't know what took me so long to make it here--other than my own fear of leaving home.  And yes, I miss everyone.  Everyone.  But I know that this journey is just beginning and each day that passes, it becomes more and more home.  I love building it here.

A few of our recent highlights, exploring the city with our new Zeiss lens:

We were lost in the Presidio, enjoying the smooth-vibe, driving of SF. The tunnels, the lights, the wilderness in a city...and BOOM--there was The Bridge.  We took an exit and there she stood, like she was waiting for us.  Quiet and still, nothing going on...but a beautiful spot to enjoy the Bay.

Since I was a kid, I dreamed of just seeing the studio where Stevie Nicks recorded Rumours.  Mariela and her outstanding sleuthing and navigating, took us right to her doors.  It was a small victory, but it just felt like we were finally here.  Amazing.  As I opened the windows and sunroof and kicked up my stereo playing the demo tracks from the Rumours outtakes, it was like you were transported to 1977 and Stevie was wearing her big headphones singing her heart out and the sounds filled the thick forest of trees in that little cove in Sausalito.  I'm sure Mick's drums filled that canyon, now covered in multi-millions dollar homes...

Sorcerer, Stevie's song, was actually demo recorded before Rumours, but we felt it fitting for this shot. Maybe our California plate will be a Rumours track! They are all fitting: Dreams, Never Going Back Again, Don't Stop, Go Your Own Way, The Chain, Gold Dust Woman...hahaha.

So as the weekend draws near, I get antsy anticipation to just breathe the air of San Francisco and I look forward to finding our way into her gates again...

And remember...it all drains to the bay around here.

Frame BY Endless Frame Time Lapse

I started thinking...what has been my favorite thing to film? I mean, so far. I have to say that filming time-lapse in Maine on vacation with my hilarious extended family. Sure, maybe it's because it was such a quiet, clean, calm morning at the colony--one of my very favorite places on earth.  It was my love of purist, photography --brought to life with motion. It's superb, while not true "frame-by-frame." So zooming in for higher resolution isn't an option! Fast forward to this week, I started in...fighting with Magic Lantern on my Canon 60D again. The problem has been audio with my Zoom h4n using the Sescom cable. I found the breakthrough that I needed (this helpful audio forum) and we set out for Treasure Island to record actual frame by frame time lapse (using the intervelometer of ML)!

It was the perfect end to a perfect day @ the Treasure Island Flea.

We Shipped Our Hearts to San Francisco

Whew! Starting out on my own freelancing is a big undertaking.  We've crossed so many barriers to get here and I'm glad to report that we are finally "settled" in the San Francisco Bay Area!  My only regret is that I didn't come out here sooner.  It is truly a magnificent place. I've lived a lot of different places and I've never called them home.  This...this is our home.

Please be patient as I get our new site up and running.  I have loads of new projects coming.  Shipping our storage pods across country was a bit of a puzzle to put back together.  But we're here...we're buying the equipment that we've spent years preparing for and I can't wait to show you what we can do with it.

If you've never shot with a Carl Zeiss lens, I highly recommend it.  We upgraded to a 35mm F2 and I cannot take it off my camera.  It's amazing. Lights? Who needs 'em with this fast of a lens. (Which is fortunate since one of my bulbs crashed to the ground and broke during a shoot at work before I left Chicago!)

Also on the horizon is a new Leash & Capture from Peak Designs. I'm thrilled because I carry my camera everywhere.  Surprisingly, I want to do weird things like hike and climb mountains now that there is just so incredibly much to see...

And last, but certainly not least...we're anxiously awaiting the arrival of the Rhino Carbon Slider!!!  I love photography gear Kickstarters, what can I say.

I can say: I love you San Francisco. Every single part of you.  You were worth the wait.